Quadrant Queries

Day 4 Query 2: Fan Mail

REALLY?

Let it GO, Karkat.

club2 two you, rl.

GET YOUR CLUBTH OUT OF HERE, I’M NOT EVEN GOING AFTER YOU.

I’m going to club the both of you if you don’t stop.

*Snicker*

And just what is so funny, Miss Maryam?

I Am Just Charmed

It Is Like Wigglers First Ashen Threesome In Here And You Are Trying So Hard

Are you patronizing me?

I Would Never

Perhaps I Worded It Poorly But It Was Meant To Be A Compliment If Nothing Else

Are you certain?

YOU’VE JUST GOTTEN A BLESSING FROM SHE WHO MAY AS WELL BE KNOWN AS THE QUEEN OF CLUBS, LALONDE. GET OVER YOURSELF. AS IF KANAYA EVER DOES ANYTHING BUT AGREE WITH YOU AND TITTER LIKE A TWEETBEAST AT MY EXPENSE.

Oh What Is This

Why It Appears To Be A Query

I Had Almost Forgotten The Purpose Of This Show Was To Answer Them

I’ve got a flushed interest in one of YOU. What now?

<3FULLY YOURS

Rose Are You Alright

It Is Unusual To See You Pulling What I Understand To Be The “2x Facepalm Combo”

It is merely…

Simply observe his expression…

I Have Never Observed A Look Of Such Wicked Glee

Vantas, just say it already.

ORGY.

Of Course

Well What Are We Waiting For

Please, hasten yourself to the studio. I would not wish to make my co-host a liar, nor would I wish to maintain quality programming at the expense of repetitive japery and questionable content.

I promiscuously LOVE MY JOB.

…

Actually,

I’m afraid I cannot participate in this at all.

NO undulating WAY. I AM SHOCKED. THIS IS ME BEING SHOCKED.

Why Ever Not

Well, I already have a flushed interest of my own, obviously.

Ah But Of Course

Well Then That Makes Two Of Us
And I Do Not Believe My Own Would Approve Of My Participation In Such Acts

You never know what might happen if you suggest the right people, Kanaya.

I Will Never Know If What You Are Saying Is Sarcasm Or Not

Oh, but listen to us prattle on.

What about you, Karkat?

… EXCUSE ME?

If the quadrant is open and the listener is as well, why not?

I Am Sure Contact Between The Two Of You Could Be Arranged Somehow

If You Are Interested

Unless

There is someone else?

OH NO.

NO ehehehe WAY.

YOU ARE NOT GANGING UP ON ME LIKE THIS, WHAT THE HELL.

MY QUADRANTS ARE NONE OF YOUR sneaky BUSINESS AND LIKE HELL THEY ARE THE BUSINESS OF ANYONE LISTENING TO THIS DAMN SHOW.

We are your friends, Karkat, you cannot blame us for being interested.

Now, why don’t we pile up some of the more sturdy bits of equipment in here and have a chat?

I’M SORRY, DO YOU HAVE “KARKAT’S MOIRAIL” TATTOOED ON YOUR PASTY ASS, LALONDE? NO, I DON’T THINK YOU DO SO BACK THE tire iron UP.

I’LL LET YOU KEEP ME FROM BEATING CAPTOR UNTIL HE IS INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM A SCRAMBLED EGG BUT IF I SEE YOU MAKING ANY MOVES TO ACCUMULATE AN ASSORTMENT OF OBJECTS IN A SPECIFIC AREA OR GENERALLY AGGREGATE THINGS I AM WALKING OUT OF HERE.

…

…

…

So your moirail has a special tattoo with you in mind? A moving tale of romance, I am touched.

I’M OUT.

Karkat Come Back Here

I SAID I’D LEAVE AND I’M LEAVING.

I have made no move to congregate detritus, and I believe those were the conditions for your leaving.

Honestly Karkat Sit Down

…
*SIT*

Thank You

Of Course Your Theatrics Have All But Confirmed That You Do Have A Flushed Interest But We Can Return To This Topic Another Day

THEATRICS, HUH? WELL THEN ALLOW ME TO EXIT STAGE RIGHT.

Karkat, come back here.

You Really Must Learn How To Take A Joke

The Show Has Barely Begun You Cannot Walk Away Now

WATCH ME.

Well, it is not as though the listeners regularly give you reason to vent your anger and frustration.

Ah That Is Correct

Stewing in fury during the rest of your day’s classes will not do any foreseeable damage to your GPA, I’m willing to bet.

Yes Leaving Is Probably For The Best

We Will Do Our Best To Be Terse And Degrading To Those Who Deserve It But I Do Not Think I Can Yell Quite As Loud As You

Alas, we may even be… polite.

…

*SIT*

I HATE THE BOTH OF YOU.

SO MUCH.

IT IS INEXPRESSIBLE.

NEXT QUESTION.